The below is a revised monologue version for the No Drama Theatre shindig in 2014.
Please note that this could potentially be triggering/upsetting for some.
***
I’m not sure why I’m here to be
honest.
Something happened and I think
maybe I…uh…need to say it out loud to believe it’s real. I can't forget what
happened.
I was on my way home. I took the
shortcut behind the old church. It takes about five minutes off my walk home… (Gasp of nervous laughter)…
Before I knew what was happening
someone grabbed me. I didn’t see him. He came from behind. There was no time to
scream.
(Whispers to unseen party) Why
aren’t you saying anything?
*deep breath*
I am…
Pause
He caught me around the waist and
something was shoved into my mouth. I thought someone had to see me... Someone had
to help me... I prayed...
Close eyes
I closed my eyes as he dragged me.
I knew where I was and what was happening to me. I didn't need to see. I
thought that maybe... maybe if I couldn't see, then it wasn't really happening.
Longer pause
Takes deep breath, holds it and
exhales slowly. Voice is getting shakier at this point.
I could feel his hands shaking. His
breath was heavy on my neck. My heart was beating hard and fast. He fumbled his
way up my top... His hands were so rough. They were like ice. It was so cold
and then... (Abrupt stop)
Voice is getting louder and trembling more
I couldn't breathe. I was dying inside. He was taking everything
from me. (Getting hysterical now)
It felt like it went on for hours
and finally... he pulled himself off me. I thought this must be it. He's going
to let me go. The tears were flowing from my shut eyes. He stood up. I could
hear him zipping up his jeans and sighing and then...he hit me.
Put face in hands breathing heavily
Pause
I thought I couldn't hurt anymore
but there it was. Then came the next blow and the next... He wouldn't stop.
Pause
I guess I just blacked out...
Suddenly it was morning and he was
gone. I stood up and walked home. It wasn't until I looked into the mirror that
I saw...
My face was cut open and smeared
with dried blood. I could barely see because my eyes were so swollen. My clothes were ripped... And I was covered in mud... There was so much
blood...
Speech
a bit staggered at the start but gets hysterical by the end
I feel torn. My head hurts all the
time! My body hurts when I think about it.
I can feels his hands on me all of
the time. It's like...like they're burned into my skin. I can hear his
breathing every time I close my eyes. I can still hear the people laughing as
they walk by without even realising what's happening right beside them... (Takes sharp deep breaths)
Speaks to unseen party
How could you say I'm safe? I'll
never be safe. You don't understand. I live through this all the time. I'm
stuck in that one moment. It's as if it happens to me every day and no-one will
help me!!!
Pause
Points
They wouldn't help me. They had to
have heard something. How could they let this happen to me? It's all their
fault. They did this to me. If they had just seen me. It was at the side of the
road. What if they'd paid attention? They would have seen his face and then I
could have done something about it but what happened? What did they do?
NOTHING!!
I couldn't leave the house for
weeks. I had to hide from my family. I was beaten to within an inch of my life
that day and I couldn't tell anyone. I had something so precious taken from me
that night. I bled for days. I lost a part of who I was and you sit there asking
me questions about it trying to make me feel better! You're probably sitting
there thinking 'Well didn't you deserve it you stupid bitch!?' That's exactly
what’s going through your head. My life was ruined that night and you're on his
side!!!
Pause, looks at unseen party
Who do I blame?
Myself...
It was all my fault... I shouldn't
have been walking alone. I thought I was I was doing the right thing by going
home early. I wasn't drunk. I hadn't even been drinking that night. I was the
one who walked out there alone...
(Dejected tone for end of this)
It was all
my fault...Maybe I wanted this to happen... I asked for it…
All my fault....
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